That song freakin breaks my heart, it did before I lost my Dad and now that catch at the very end …the loss the heartbreak, I feel that at some point almost everyday.
But in the weeks leading up to Father’s Day when bombarded with Dad, Daddy, Father, Pops etc. I got an email from Hallmark “Remember Dad”…as if I could forget. Really they should keep a registry somewhere. Every Father’s Day I am reminded that while I may have had many mother’s in my life, I only had one Daddy and he’s not around anymore
Grief such an elastic emotion, it ebbs ,it flows, sometimes, its sometimes is your everything and sometimes just a thrum in the background. I think that’s why, once you’ve lost someone you love deeply, you look for signs that they are still around you…which drives people to crazy psychic towns in upstate New York and consult Long Island mediums and shamans and Ouija boards. That’s all too heartbreaking to me, the scams and shams the striving for contact that probably won;t happen, I know my Dad would never speak to anyone through a woman with acrylics and teased blond hair from Lawn-Guy-Land (that’s phonetic). I find other ways to convince myself that my Dad is still around. Let’s take yesterday…
We were driving around South Portland on a whim, went to a yard sale, went to a Lighthouse…first I met a Jack Russell, who actually sniffed my hand, which if you know Jack Russells, that’s a lot of affection to give stranger. Then on the way back to the highway home we were stuck at the longest light… but we were stuck behind a car that had a sticker that said IRA, not only that but around their license plate it said 1-866-CALL-IRA. I wish, oh how I wish…even if it was a recording of my Dad telling me what the dog did that day or what he was making for dinner. I would give anything I had to hear him say ” Hi Bobs”.
THEN we went the St. Johns Parish Bazaar where spun 8 on the Spin-a Wheel then let it ride and hit 8 again and I won like 1.25 on my quarter bet. When we got home I was writing up the menu from this week, and a piece of paper fell out of the back of the pad.. my dad’s handwriting it was the address of the love of his life, who he found on Linked-In about 4 months before he died. When I showed Christian he told me he found 12 cents on the ground while I was playing the Spin-a-Wheel.
Those were my signs that my Dad is still around looking out for me, and oh how desperately I try to make myself believe that it is true.
If only I could grill some sausages for him, and a dry aged sirloin, I’d even be happy to make the stupid black bean and corn salad that he loved…
Ira’s Perfect Father’s Day Menu
Grilled Sweet Italian Fennel Sausages with Peppers and Onions on Crusty Bread
Grilled Aged Sirloin
Ribs with Duck Sauce & Chinese Mustard
Mesclun Salad with Warm Goat Cheese
Black Bean,Corn & Tomato Salad
Black Raspberry Ice Cream Cone
Brownie (later, on the couch, watching TV)
- 1 Rack Baby Back Ribs
- 2 Tablespoons Garlic Powder
- 1/4 Cup Brown Sugar
- 1 Tablespoon Salt
- 1 Tablespoon Cracked Black Pepper
- 2 Cloves Garlic, chopped
- 1 Tablespoon Ginger Paste
- 1/2 Cup Duck Sauce (or like 12-15 takeout packets)
- 1/2 Cup Soy Sauce (or like 12-15 takeout packets)
- 1 whole Orange, chopped
- 1 Bunch Scallion Greens, chopped
- 1/4 Cup Chinese hot mustard (or like 6 packets)
- Mix Garlic powder, sugar, salt & pepper together
- Rub all over ribs
- Whisk together remaining ingredients in a large Ziploc ( you may have to cut rack in half)
- Marinate 2-3 days
- Grill over Low heat for an hour, basting with marinade every so often
- Remove from grill, cut into individual ribs, raise heat return to ribs & grill another 15 minutes basting the whole time
Serve with a Mixture of half Duck Sauce half Mustard
Here’s a montage of Pics of my Dad. Ira.