Wild Chantrelles and my Sh***y F***ing Vacuum

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I did like 5 things on this list..so far.

The day did not start out well…I’ve been having trouble sleeping which is making me into a huge beeyotch and so husband and I are not getting along,I woke up this morning spooning Jerry in the guest bedroom with Farrah’s tail in my face and Hank right on top of me…and we were out of coffee.

So instead of taking the cowards way out…running across the highway for Cumberland farms coffee, I put my big girl pants on got on my bike and went to town, taking my neglected overdue library books with me. It was a beautiful morning for a bike ride.

Got town by 9:15, returned my books in the slot since the library wasn’t open yet and went to the bank to deposit a check…

Which was when I discovered that my wallet was still sitting on the dining room table. Now I was going to try to beg and plead with them to please let me go online and show them that I was me and to please let me take out some cash so I didn’t have to ride all the way back home (which would most like quash any desire to return to town and I would have to play frogger to go get Cumberland Farms coffee).


I didn’t have to do that because the amazing awesome ladies in my bank were like we know you..what’s the matter did you need some money??? And they let me take money out of my checking with out ID or a card…of course when I asked for $1,000 in nickels they hesitated slightly and offered to call my husband to come pick me up.

That’s not what really happened, what really happened was I took out $40 and then Clover told me it was Coffee & Douhgnut Day and offered me a delicious doughnut hole from Frosty’s. ( I think, it certainly wasn’t dunkin’ donuts)


I went to the supermarket, then the farmer’s market where much to my delight and frankly joy and rapture,  at the very last stand  (or the very first, depending on what direction you are coming from) I found a pile of bright yellow CHANTRELLES!!!!  I was so happy I decided to pass on the gladiolas, since as we know I had limited funds… though yes I could’ve run back to the bank and gotten more money, but that would be ridiculous.

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$10 worth – a whole half pound of these beauties awaits butter and garlic and thyme…..

I have been wanting them so badly… so badly… I want to make lobster and chantrelle pasta, so I hope they are still there next week so I can. Because to much going on this weekend to make it properly. but ’tis the season … so hoping thy’ll be around for the nest few weeks. But they will be either topping a pizza either tonight or on Sunday, depending on my our moods because….


I have just this very week realized that when my mind is occupied with unhappy or unplesant thoughts I cannot multi-task, when I m thinking of good things I can juggle tasks like crazy. But when I’m sad or mad it drop things I can’t follow directions, I just mess stuff up.

Hence my awful Zucchini Scones with Blueberries… my husband did not come home for lunch , which pissed me off because I had lunch waiting for him. I don’t know why I even decided to make them since I really don’t like scones.

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But my mind is clouded by negative thoughts. I should have made savory zucchini pancakes and frozen them or brought then over to neighbors tonight. I love zucchini pancakes they are delicious. My scones are not. First I did something stupid with the butter, then I forgot to add salt & for some reason I mixed the blueberries in instead of folding them in the batter so they got all smushed and gross. Uch these things are rubbery and taste like bland butter.

So then since things were going so well I decided to fix the vacuum.

I noticed a clog in some tube in the back. I spent 20 minutes pulling and absurd amount of dusty cat hair out of the hose, I used a chopstick and a wire hanger, I cleaned all that crap out.

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This is about the same size as Farrah….

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I was hoping that post cleaning the vacuum would miraculously pick up dirt instead of shooting it out the back and on to my feet. I was ridiculously proud of myself for not only figured out how to open up the hose, but using a tool of my own creation to remove the clog.


It worked no better than before. Why? Depends on who you ask… if you ask my husband he will tell you that I do not use it properly.

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Asshole Vacuum

If you ask me its because its a piece of crap hand me down that in its previous home, functioned more as a carpet smoother than a vacuum, and no one noticed this because it was the upstairs vacuum in a home that had not seen children or pets upstairs since the early 90’s. It’s easy to clean a place with no dirt.

While engaged in my vacuum operation I burnt the cookies I was baking off (found cookie dough in the freezer, figured why not).

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So what now….clean up the mess in the kitchen, shower, go to farm to pick some flower, beans & tomatoes and try to be nicer to my husband so we can be happy and joyful the way we want to be.

2 thoughts on “Wild Chantrelles and my Sh***y F***ing Vacuum

  1. I cannot wait to see you both (and cats) and find market treasures such as foraged goodies! Please skip the disappointing scones…I know I can expect earth shatteringly delicious Ali food creations.


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